Obtaining A Shotgun

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How To Obtain a Shotgun If You're A Law Abiding Citizen.

Complete a shotgun certificate form. Give details of any convictions, answer medical and mental health history questionnaire, give details of where your gun is to be stored.

Then, get the form countersigned by a Member of Parliament, Justice of the Peace, minister of religion, doctor, lawyer, established civil servant, bank officer, or person of similar standing.

Once you've done that, you should provide four passport-sized photographs of yourself, one of which must be signed on the back by your counter signatory. You then return the form to the police, together with the appropriate fee.

Over the next few weeks you will get a visit from the police, so it's good to be prepared and buy a gun cabinet. The cabinet must be firmly attached to a wall within your home, and the best place is inside a built-in cupboard. The person who calls from the police may be a serving police officer or, more likely these days, a specialist civilian employee.

He or she will first go through your application form with you, and you may be asked a number of questions to further explain your written answers on the form.

After that, it's just a matter of waiting for your certificate to arrive in the post.

 

How To Obtain A Shotgun If You're A Criminal.

Find the right person in the right pub and hand over a few hundred pounds. If you're broke you can obtain this money by selling illegal drugs.

As a criminal you won't obey the rules in the section above, so you'll simply ignore the laws about gun safes, licences and application forms. Criminals don't register their weapons with the police or care if they have previous convictions for violence, so this will save you even more time.

Once you've done this you'll probably ignore the law that says you can't carry your loaded gun in public. You can now use your new gun to rob, kill and terrorise the millions of disarmed British citizens.  

You could even use your weapon to commit a home invasion if you want, because there's no way that your victim will be able to quickly get his legally held, registered shotgun from his gun safe and load it will ammo so that he can defend himself and his family.

At this point you only need to worry about the police. Even if you're dumb enough to give your victims a chance to dial 999, they'll take between 10 and 30 minutes to arrive once called.

This will give you plenty of time to beat, rob, rape or kill your victims. You can then steal your defenceless or dead victim's car and flee before the cops arrive.